Reflections on How People Do Things
The first time my boyfriend noticed how I approach life, I was cutting an onion.
We were on our fifth date, cooking mushroom goulash together and still getting to know each other. I cut the onion methodically: first in parallel vertical lines, then horizontally, until the pieces were small and almost identical.
At some point, he stopped what he was doing and simply watched me. When I finished, he said:
“I’m just surprised by how you cut that onion.”
It was a small observation, but an accurate one. The way I cut that onion is, in many ways, the way I do everything.
The Systems I Built
In school, I had a structured plan for earning the best grades I could. I took my oral exams before most of the other students, who tended to postpone them. By going early, I could complete the requirement and no longer had to attend those classes. The strategy worked very well.
Years later, when I applied for major scholarships—which I eventually received—I prepared every submission carefully and triple-checked each step. I translated more documents than the applications required, just to make sure I had covered everything.
As an intern, I analyzed data at work and sometimes went home to investigate whether the formulas I had used were really the most appropriate ones. Later in my career, I developed systems for drafting messages, preparing agendas, and handling calls.
When I lived alone, my apartment was uncluttered and generally in order. I owned fewer clothes, but most were in similar tones, so they were easy to combine. I had been debt-free for years and had begun investing.
So yes, I think it is fair to say that I have been a responsible person for most of my life. At the same time, my responsibility often took the form of structure. I created systems around myself and then followed them.
None of this happened overnight. Over time, I learned what worked and improved what did not—much like the phased approach to life I have written about before. Still, the pattern was there.
Responsibility in the Small Things
My boyfriend is very similar.
If he needs to go into the office, he lays out his ironed clothes before bed. If he plans to take a probiotic before breakfast, he sets it out on the table the night before. If you ask him to print or prepare something, he will look for the best way to do it. If you send him a message, he usually replies quickly. If bedtime is at ten, we go to bed at ten.
You will often hear him say:
“I have to do this. I have responsibilities.”
Our habits do not stay neatly contained within one part of our lives. We do not become completely different people when we leave work or come home. We carry the same tendencies with us and apply them to different tasks.
Once you begin paying attention, these patterns can become visible surprisingly quickly. The way people answer messages, keep appointments, organize their homes, approach work, or respond to difficult situations often has a recognizable rhythm.
Patterns in the Way We Communicate
At work, I can sometimes recognize people from their opening message alone.
For example, consider the difference between:
“Hi Magdalena, I’m with Team X. We noticed an issue with a calculation in the X logic. Could we schedule a call tomorrow at 9:30 to discuss how to fix it?”
and:
“Hi Magdalena, u free?”
The difference lies not only in tone, but in how much context the sender provides before asking for someone else’s time.
Of course, formality is not always necessary. Sometimes we are in a hurry, and I send short messages too. A single message tells us very little about a person.
But when the same approach appears again and again, it often reflects how someone thinks about preparation, clarity, and other people’s time.
How People Treat Others
Another pattern I have noticed is that the way people treat others is often the way they will eventually treat you.
Once, in an open-plan office, I watched a coworker try to get our manager’s attention. She eventually had to catch him in the hallway, on his way to the restroom, just to get a few minutes to discuss the issue.
To me, the situation said a great deal. This manager made time when he wanted to address something that mattered to him. When it did not, he seemed unable—or unwilling—to engage.
Several months later, we had agreed on a particular set of actions. Then the situation changed, and with it his interest in the topic. He simply stopped engaging, without explanation. Once again, the same pattern emerged.
In that same environment, I experienced the other side of this. A senior colleague came to me and asked:
“How can I best support you?”
I had always thought he was a wonderful person, and in many ways, that question captured exactly who he was. It was thoughtful, direct, and generous.
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