We Are the Architects of Our Own Lives
When I was in my twenties, I used to think that whatever was meant for me would eventually come to me. If something was truly destined to happen, then it would happen regardless of what I did. Now, in my mid-thirties, I see how our lives unfold very differently.
The idea that whatever is meant for us will happen can feel both liberating and, in my experience, somewhat illusory. It can be comforting because it removes responsibility from our shoulders. However, that is not how the world has worked for me.
I believe two main forces shape our lives: taking action and random events.
When Coincidence Looks Like Fate
In statistics, randomization is used to reduce bias and help researchers draw more reliable conclusions.
Life contains a certain degree of randomness as well.
Once, I traveled across the Atlantic. On the day I arrived, I discovered that an acquaintance of mine was landing at almost exactly the same time. We had rarely seen each other in Germany, where we both lived. By pure coincidence, this person was staying at a hotel directly across the street from mine.
At first, it felt meaningful, like one of those moments people describe as fate. But in reality, it wasn’t.
After the trip, our relationship remained exactly the same as before. We never really stayed in touch. If we had genuinely wanted a closer friendship, we could have made that happen long before meeting on another continent. The coincidence itself changed nothing. It was simply a random event, the kind that occasionally happens in life.
Action Creates Opportunity
Another example comes from the beginning of my career.
After finishing my internship in Luxembourg, I started searching for a job in Frankfurt. My first choice was to continue working in the same field I had focused on before. However, the job market had other plans. The opportunities available led me into a somewhat different kind of role, where I developed new skills and met great people.
Interestingly, about ten years later, I returned to the industry where I had started.
Was that destiny?
I don’t think so.
I believe it happened because of the decisions I made along the way. I adapted to changing circumstances, remained flexible, and took opportunities when they appeared. Those actions gradually brought me back to where I had started, although by a completely different route and in a very different role.
I really enjoy Conor Neill’s YouTube channel because he often talks about topics like these. One idea I take from his videos resonates deeply with me: taking action creates luck.
Taking action also puts us in contact with people who may have great opportunities for us. The difference is that we are ready when those opportunities appear.
The more actions we take, the more opportunities we create for ourselves. I call this intentional luck.
Random Luck and Bad Luck
Of course, there is also random luck and random bad luck.
From my own experience, I know that sometimes we can simply be in the wrong place at the wrong time, around the wrong person, and end up affected by a completely random and unfortunate event. Afterward, we often try to make sense of it. We ask ourselves: How could this happen? Could I have prevented it? Was it meant to be?
I do not think this has much to do with fate. It is simply the randomness of life. Sometimes random events can have significant, even life-changing, consequences. But I do not want to make this blog post too dark. You get my point.
Fortunately, randomness can also work in our favor.
An Unexpected Act of Kindness
A few years ago, I decided to change jobs. Although I had achieved considerable success in my role, I no longer enjoyed the atmosphere and culture. At the time, I was becoming increasingly discouraged by the job search. Looking back, that level of worry was probably unnecessary, but when you are living through uncertainty, things often feel much bigger than they really are.
One day, I was riding the S-Bahn commuter train into Frankfurt to meet some friends at a wine festival. During the ride, I was on the phone with a close friend, explaining my frustrations with job interviews and how worried I was about the future.
I am not particularly proud of those moments, but I am human. We all have times when we need support. My friend listened patiently and encouraged me.
When I finished the call, a man who had been sitting across from me on the train spoke to me.
“I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation,” he said. “I work in that industry as well. We currently have open positions. Here is my boss’s number. I will let him know that you may contact him.”
I was genuinely surprised. How random is that?
I thanked him and was deeply impressed by the kindness and generosity that both he and his employer showed me. I later contacted his boss, who arranged a conversation with HR.
In the end, I did not find a role at that company that suited me. Nevertheless, that was not the point.
What stayed with me was the simple act of kindness.
A complete stranger took a few minutes out of his day to help someone who was struggling. The opportunity itself did not lead to a job, but the gesture reminded me that random events are not always negative. Sometimes life surprises us with unexpected generosity.
And perhaps that is the balance of life: we create our own opportunities through action, but every now and then randomness joins the journey, for better or worse.
What Karma Means to Me
What interests me much more than destiny is karma. Unlike destiny, karma is something I actually believe in, although perhaps not in the mystical sense. I believe that our actions, attitudes, and behavior toward others eventually come back to us in one form or another.
I do not mean that every good deed is immediately rewarded or every bad action instantly punished. Life is clearly not that simple. But when I look at events over a longer period of time, I find it difficult to ignore the patterns.
I have heard Dragana Penco discuss karma from a similar perspective on her YouTube channel. Her ideas led me to think of karma as the accumulated effect of our actions over time rather than as a scorecard for individual events. That interpretation makes a lot of sense to me.
Then again, as John Maynard Keynes famously said:
“In the long run we are all dead.”
Still, while we are here, people seem to have a remarkable ability to distinguish genuine goodwill from negative or selfish behavior. Sooner or later, they react accordingly.
The Consequences of How We Treat People
I know this because I have experienced karma myself, and it took a great deal of self-reflection to recognize it.
Several years ago, I was quite successful while leading a large development project. My work was recognized several times, and professionally, things were going very well.
But there was a weakness in how I behaved.
I had little patience or empathy for some colleagues whose performance did not meet my expectations. I was never rude, but I tended to focus on my own work and gradually distance myself from people I considered less effective.
At the time, this seemed perfectly reasonable. Looking back, I no longer think it was.
Years later, I heard that some of those same people had moved into leadership positions and were now leading activities that I had once been involved in. By then, my own involvement had already ended for completely unrelated reasons, but the realization stayed with me.
It made me reflect on how I had treated people earlier in my career. While I had focused heavily on results and performance, I had underestimated the importance of relationships, encouragement, and empathy.
To me, karma is the accumulation of the consequences of how we treat people over time.
It is always worth treating people with respect, regardless of whether they meet our expectations or how frustrated we may feel.
Integrity Attracts Integrity
On the other hand, I have also encountered people who treated others poorly, manipulated situations, gaslit others, or acted without integrity.
In my family, we had a saying when I was growing up:
“If you lie, you are lying to yourself, not to me.”
The older I get, the more I understand what that means.
When people repeatedly deceive others, the real damage is often done to themselves. Trust is difficult to build and very easy to lose. Eventually, people who value honesty and integrity tend to distance themselves from those who do not.
In my experience, we naturally gravitate toward people whose values are similar to our own. We enjoy spending time with those we trust, and we gradually move away from those we cannot rely on.
Of course, I cannot speak for everyone. But I do believe that integrity attracts integrity. In the long run, the quality of our relationships is shaped by the quality of our character.
When Rejection Becomes Redirection
So the next time someone does not call after a date even though they said they would, or lies and you later discover they were seeing other people, try looking at it from a different perspective. The same goes for someone who breaks a promise, rejects you for a job you thought was yours, or simply ghosts you. That seems to happen far too often these days.
Perhaps it is better to learn who someone truly is sooner rather than later.
It may be disappointing in the moment, but it can also save you from investing your time, energy, and emotions in people whose values do not align with your own.
Looking back, many of the situations that initially felt like rejection were actually redirections. They helped me avoid relationships, friendships, or professional environments that would not have been right for me in the long run.
Maybe the real gift is not that these things happen, but that they happen early enough for us to walk away.
In the end, our actions have a way of coming back to us.
